Simple yet not so simple
How can I help you? is a question that you may have heard more frequently than you can count. Usually, it is not an easy question to answer because contrary to what we believe as humans, we often find out quickly that we don’t know exactly what we want.
Many times in life, we find ourselves at crossroads where we have to make a decision. Sometimes we figure it out but most times we are just carried along by the wind and we allow what can happen to happen, and I mean this quite literally.
options are good only when you know what you want
Despite the fact of how can I help you? being a simple question, we almost always encounter it in unusual or unfamiliar territories. Even in cases where we are used to the terrain, the question can still be astonishing. This can be compounded by the amount of available options. Yes, options are good only when you know what you want. When you don’t, it can be a source of grief.
Order complications at Starbucks
A classic example is when you enter a Starbucks and want to get a cup of coffee. Now, the attendant only asks: how can I help you? If you know what you want, it’s as easy as voicing out a number of items and then your order will be underway. But, if you are like me and you just want a cup of hot chocolate not caring about everything else, the experience can be an added source of stress.
Life, as we know it is no different. If you know your purpose, it is easier to garner the help you need along the way but if for some reason you’re floating through life and don’t know which road to follow or path to take, you can be exposed and sometimes feel intense vulnerability.
If you know your purpose, it is easier to garner the help you need along the way
Fortunately, because of the abundance of information in this age, many people are conscious about the path they want to take and turn out to only need a little push as far as help goes.
What do I mean by this? Let me get to the point of this article.
Helping people is not complicated
people who offer to help assume too much
Oftentimes, people who offer to help assume too much. Anywhere you turn, you are very likely to see someone who needs help in one way or the other. Whether it’s an aged person who needs a seat on the public transit or a tourist who needs direction to a venue or a young lad who can’t seem to figure out a career path, everybody needs some kind of help at some level and most people may look confused or overwhelmed by a situation but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are oblivious to their solution.
Interestingly, at a very basic level, as humans, we like to help people out. We like to make meaningful contributions to other lives. Humanity, after all, is not as selfish as everyone says. Or, are we? The only issue I want to address here is the level of presumption.
Helping people is not complicated. However, it can get complicated real fast if the helper becomes too presumptive and the one needing help assumes a defensive position.
A damsel in distress?
Let me give you an example. Imagine you are driving and notice a car parked by the roadside with a flat tire. Like in a movie, let’s just say it’s a damsel in distress and you’re a well-meaning gentleman. A quick glance in that situation will lead you to make the obvious conclusion that the solution is to fix the flat tire, right? Generally, our gentleman will quickly park next to the other car and go on to offer assistance to fix the tire, right? That makes a lot sense in this scenario but there’s a problem.
The problem is that whereas we are made to believe this way works in this case like in the movies, it’s not necessarily the right approach. This is because the help was offered based on a general assumption after taking a quick glance at the situation. Thing is, the assumption could have easily been completely wrong. The damsel could have been a mechanic who forgot to keep a spare tire and perhaps was waiting for a friend to deliver one. Or perhaps something different from what was presumed by the gentleman.
Following a wrong assumption by the gentleman, the damsel could have been defensive and spoken out of frustration. The kind gentleman would have been offended and also spoken out of turn. This seemingly simple situation would end up becoming very complicated and perhaps explode.
Now, I’m probably overthinking it but a simple how can I help you? would have done the trick.
Making a difference the right way
When you ask another person who seems to need help how can I help you?, what you’re doing is giving the other person a chance to confirm that: first, they really need help and secondly, are willing to accept your help. This will give you the confidence and reassurance to assist, knowing that you’re going to make an important contribution to another life. Also, the helper can better assess the situation and determine what kind of help will be appropriate and if it can be given. If you’re incapable of providing the needed help, you can redirect or apologize and depart.
The simple interaction involving offering help could make the one who needs help less desperate or calmer than if no one was willing to offer help.
Being a person who has needed help in many situations, believe me when I tell you that if you use this approach, it doesn’t matter that you cannot actually help. The simple interaction involving offering help could make the one who needs help less desperate or calmer than if no one was willing to offer help.
So, with this in mind, always remember that more than simply offering help to another person, the approach to it is more important. How can I help you? may be very plain and straightforward, but it could be how you help someone else start to enjoy life to the fullest!
